No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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