i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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