My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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