My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
