I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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