Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
