I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
