I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
