Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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