called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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