Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
