JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
