So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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