Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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