Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
