did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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