Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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