I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize