rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize