So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
