i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
