Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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