Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
