i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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