Got a toothbrush?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
