He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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