I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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