My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Congratulations! We have a period
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
