Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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