I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
