can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
