I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
