im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
