3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Shame is for Republicans.
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