I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm like, not good at living.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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