Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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