8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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