For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
