They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
