Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
