He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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