I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
