Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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