i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
