you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
