Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
