If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
