I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
