and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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