Christians are straight up FREAKS
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
