It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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