I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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