Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
