she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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