I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
FUCK WHALES
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
