omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Little spoons don't ask big questions
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
