can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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