She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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