i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
