I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
