MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old