i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.