sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the day after is always just damage control
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...