Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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