So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
