i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
