he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
