im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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