I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
