it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
