My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
