11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
