there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
