yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
