So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
